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25 secrets - whisper me
[26 Sep 2022|08:38pm]


This journal is friends only. Deal with the text message until I'm motivated enough to make a new banner. Comment to be added.

2 secrets - whisper me
Time, I need it. [18 Sep 2013|07:18pm]
There are simply not enough hours in the day to do everything that needs to be done (so naturally, I'm on livejournal). I told Zac last week that over the weekend I needed him to MAKE me do homework. I needed to get as much done as possible so I could spend this week packing. And he did what I needed him to do. I've been packing every night this week, and spending any downtime at work working on homework just so I don't fall behind. I have to admit, this semester is kicking my ass more than any other semester -- more than the semester I was dealing with the miscarriage and more than the semester I was having surgery together. I'm trying really hard, but four classes on top of two jobs (*ahem* one now ;)) and moving and trying to spend a decent amount of time with Zac has been rough.

I put in my notice at Michael's last week. I was getting pissed off that stupid store manager wasn't scheduling me for hardly any hours, and when she was, it was a shitty 5am Thursday morning shift. One Sunday I was there for adset along with my friend Alicia, who does ad set every other weekend. We're the only two who WANT to do it, and we're the only two who actually know HOW to do it. Because the weekend before, there had been FIVE people in the store and I'd essentially had to do ad set all alone, I didn't finish. Also partially because I was scheduled for only 3 hours instead of 4. Well, the next week when Alicia and I were both there, the store manager had the other guy who counts money (because that's Alicia's main job...she took over my job when I left the first time) to count the money for two hours so that Alicia could focus only on ad set and we could get done. She had Bill come in for TWO HOURS when she could have just given me my ONE HOUR back. So I was grumpy about that. And then during that week I was looking at the schedule. I knew we had a big ad coming up (lowest prices of the season), and I also knew that Alicia was off that weekend, because it was her weekend off. The schedule said I was off too, but I was on for Thursday morning. So I texted her to ask her about it...didn't we have a big one coming up and wasn't she off? She talked to the store manager and apparently there were FOUR people scheduled to work the ad, and I (one of the two main ad set people) was not part of it. I wrote my notice up that day and was going to drop it off on my lunch break, but traffic was crazy, so I sat on it for a few more hours. I went to Hobby Lobby after work (where Jim--the old store manager that I adored) now works. I talked to him for a good half an hour. I was in much better spirits about everything, and I still wanted to quit Michael's so I drove over there. The store manager and assistant manager were both off for the night, so I wrote her a note telling her I was sorry I couldn't do Thursdays anymore since I'm moving to Fulton (I haven't actually done a Thursday shift since my surgery in June), but I would continue to work Sunday, but that my last day would be on September 25th. It just wasn't worth it to get up at 3:00 in the morning to get to work by 5:00 am on Thursdays and work until 6:30 at night, nor was it probable to spend the gas to drive all the way to Columbia on Sundays to work a measly three hours. The next night I was getting online to check the schedule to see if maybe she'd put me on for that Sunday and I was completely locked out. Yeah, that took a while.

The first time I quit Michael's, I felt so heavy about it. I was so upset I actually cried a lot, and I dreamt about it a lot and lost sleep because I missed it so much. This time I feel lighter, freer, and happier. So I made a good decision. =)

Zac and I are going to be staying at his parents' house until he can get a job again (technically he still has the one, they're just not working him). Once he does, he's going to pay off his credit cards, and then we'll move somewhere. He's talking about staying in Fulton, even if he gets a job in Jefferson City, which I guess I'd be okay with. It isn't too big of a deal, as long as we're both making decent money. But while I'm staying there, I'm going to be able to save an ass ton of money, myself. His parents were telling me I didn't have to pay them any sort of rent money or anything, and I absolutely refused that. I cannot live with someone and not give them money if I have money to actually give them. I told them that I would give them at least $100 a paycheck. A lot of it is going to be saved, but some of it is going to go towards buying things I need that I can never afford (an actual winter coat, some shoes without holes in them, clothes that aren't 5 sizes too big, etc.). I'm not going to go crazy, but if I don't do these things while I can, I never will. But basically I bring home about $1400 a month and all I'll have is $210 for my car payment, $80 for insurance, $65 for phone, $45 for the storage unit I'm having to rent to put my crap in, and the $200 I'll be giving them every month, plus food and gas. So basically, I'm going to be able to breathe and it's going to be awesome. =D

I'm excited for this winter in a way I haven't been in a long time. First of all, it's my first Christmas shopping season not working at Michael's, and that is exciting. Second of all, I took off four days around Christmas and New Years, and because of the way the holidays and the weekend fell, I'm actually getting 8 days off total. And I'll be spending Christmas with Zac's family, since I'll probably still be living there and my family doesn't do anything. And he's talking about actually going to Thanksgiving with me, which is HUGE, because he's so paralyzingly shy and avoids things like this completely. I'm so proud of him. =) I'm also excited because snow days. I'll be living half an hour (or more) from work, on a country road that gets snowed in a lot, so I will have good excuses to call into work, snuggle up, and drink some hot chocolate (oh, and do homework....and read Tay's book...and nap a lot...and be super lazy because it will be awesome to do that). So yeah, winter, I'm ready. (I'll probably change my tune in a couple month's time. haha

So, there's all that. Oh! And I also bought a new laptop, which I'm still trying to get used to. Zac found me a really nice one, and then found it for $100 cheaper on another site, which is sweet! It's doing a lot better than my old one was. I had to have something because I still have two semesters left, and I can't be without a computer when I'm taking online classes, you know?

And on a not so great note. A couple of weeks ago, I got a call while I was at work saying my dad was in the hospital, that he'd passed out at work and they were trying to figure out what had happened. After a whole day of tests (without insurance, mind you), they determined he'd had a seizure. He's not supposed to be driving for 6 months, but he's stubborn, so he has been. He seems to be doing alright, and I think they gave him some medication for seizures. I doubt he takes it, but what a scary ordeal.

But anyway, I need to get off here and go do some more packing, I suppose. I've only got this week, this weekend, and next week to get it all done, and somehow manage to fit work and homework into the mix. Meep.

EDIT: Bah, so busy and scatter-brained that I just realized I posted about most of this last week. Too lazy to edit and find what's new. Don't have to read it if you don't wanna. xD

2 secrets - whisper me
this crazy mess [11 Aug 2013|12:42pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]

I should really be cleaning right no, but..meh. I just got home from work. I'm going to gather some laundry up and take it to my mom's to do since my washer broke. =(

I had to do my blood test the other day to check for ovarian cancer. I did that on Thursday, and on Friday the nurse called me back with the results. She said it came back at a level of 41 point something. She said that was in the upper levels of normal, so they were going to just keep an eye on it and I didn't need to do anything until I come back for my next appointment on November 11th, and they'll do another blood test.

Well, I was at work and thinking about it, and I wanted to know ho close to being out of the normal range was I? Was the cut off 45? Was it 50? I looked it up. All of the articles that came up on Google said "normal" was 0-35. I know I'm not good with numbers, but y'all, I'm pretty sure 41 does not come between 0 and 35. =S

So the nurse telling me that it was in the upper levels of normal was incorrect, intentionally misleading, or a blatant lie. I'm not sure which. It makes me nervous, though. Of course, there are other reasons it could be elevated (colon disease, tumors in the uterus, pregnancy, normal menstruation, etc), but the fact that they just pulled a watermelon sized tumor out of me gives me reason to be worried.

Zac, as well-intentioned as he is, is infuriating. I try to reason with him, to explain why this is such a serious issue, and he's just trying to be optimistic, and won't freaking budge. He told me to call my doctor back on Monday to ask my questions. But he doesn't believe that she will tell me it's anything to worry about. My friend Alicia and another co-worker today said I should get a second opinion. By November, I could have stage 2 or stage 3 cancer, depending on how fast it spreads. And considering how large the tumor was...idfk.

On one hand, I want to make sure that if it is cancer, we take care of it ASAP. On the other hand, if I go see her earlier than November, she may tell me I have to go ahead and have a hysterectomy. At least if I wait until November, I have a chance of having a baby before losing my uterus/ovary/etc. But at what cost? What if I wait and it is cancer, and it spreads so fast there's not a lot they can do about it?

I just really want this nightmare to be overwith. I want to be healthy, and happy, and have all the time in the world like other women to have their children when they're ready for it. =(

Ugh, enough about that. I'm ganking this from steinsgrrl who ganked it from tumblr. Good distraction. =)

let's get personalCollapse )

whisper me
=S [18 Jun 2013|10:02pm]
[ mood | nervous ]

Surgery in the morning. Nervous.

1 secret - whisper me
get the girl back [07 Apr 2013|07:51pm]
[ mood | okay ]

My life has exploded, but these guys make me happy. Somehow, they worm their way back in with every big change in life.

7 secrets - whisper me
Snow Woes. [22 Feb 2013|12:01pm]
The weathermen were calling for three to six inches to hit us yesterday. We ended up getting 11-12 here in Columbia. A few of the POs at work yesterday offered to stay until 5:00 to keep the office open, and everyone else was allowed to leave if they wanted to. I left at 10:30, after I got all my work done for the day. I made it almost all the way home (I'll tell you that story in a minute), but had to walk the last half mile or so home, so I called in this morning and said, "nope, not going to make it" and they were fine with that. Anyone with a heart would be fine with that.

Unfortunately, I've seen several of my friends from the call center where I worked in Jefferson City complaining the last two days about having to try and make it to work, just to be sent home early if they aren't needed (or having to stay until 6:00 at night for their full shift), or live in fear of not having a job to go back to. One woman was sent home yesterday and it took her three hours to go less than thirty miles. Another girl fucked up her car in the parking lot of work because the snow came down so quickly there was no time to really soften the blow. All of these people are feeling pressured into risking their lives to get to work because they need their jobs. I think that's completely fucked up. I can see not closing, because these services are needed (although really, who needs to call in and know about their food stamps or temporary assistance when they can't even get to the store to use them [the whole state of Missouri has been declared in a state of emergency]?). I haven't worked there for seven months and I still hate that place.

My trip home...ah. I got to work at 8:30 and the snow/freezing rain mixture was just starting. My boss told me around 9:00 or 9:30 that an officer offered to cover the phones if I wanted to leave early. I finished up my work and left at 10:30 and there was already four inches of snow on my car. And ice. I didn't think there was that much, but I turned on my car and my windshield wipers, and the whole arm of my driver's side wiper broke off. I work 10 minutes from home, but without a windshield wiper and the roads being so bad already, it took me forever, and I was not sure I'd even make it, to be completely honest. But I made it to my road by the grace of God, and then the snow on my road hadn't been packed down at all by vehicles, so my car would not go. There's a church on the corner of the outer road and my road, and I was able to somehow maneuver it right at the entrance of the church, and I had to park it and walk home. In blizzard like conditions. Took me another fifteen minutes, but I somehow got home in less than an hour.

My mom left work at 11:05 and lives 20 minutes from work. There was an overturned tractor trailer on the high way, though, and she spent the next 4 or so hours stuck in the exact same spot on the highway. She was finally able to pick up my dad (who was stuck at work) and make it home around 4:30. Another friend left work at Michael's at 10:30 and got stuck in the snow and was stuck until well into the evening.

But I'm home and safe now. My brother came out today and helped me get my car unstuck and back home. It only took us an ice scraper, half a bottle of deicer, a couple of blankets, and a cut of sheet rock to do it. There was one neighbor out with a snow blower and I started walking up the street to ask him if he had a snow shovel we could borrow for a minute (that would have saved so much time and trouble) and he saw me coming and went inside. And then another man was out snow shoveling his own driveway, and he kept stopping to watch us, leaning against his snow shovel. >___< Fucking neighbors. And of all the people who drove by, the only one who offered to help was the neighbor who lives above me. He's also the one that paid someone to shovel our parking lot, since the landlord doesn't do it. We had ice a couple months ago and the whole parking lot was a sheet of ice. She never does anything. Which, if I or someone falls and gets hurt, that could be a lawsuit. Like, seriously.

Argh. Anyway. Snow woes, but snow day #2. =D

10 secrets - whisper me
bahaha too much (internet) time on my hands [23 Aug 2011|09:25am]
[ mood | awake ]

Internet stalking will commence!....once I do this music meme.

Step 1: Put your iTunes or equivalent on random.
Step 2: Post the first two lines from the first 30 songs that play, no matter how embarrassing.
Step 3: Bold out or strike through the songs when someone guesses correctly.
Step 4: Looking them up on Google or any other search engine is CHEATING!

I have a feeling no one is going to play but I'm going to do it anyway. =PCollapse )

Some of thesssssseeeee I know you guys can get. If you try. Please try?

whisper me
CHRISTMAS CARDS [23 Nov 2010|12:12pm]
[ mood | happy ]

I haven't officially ever done this before, but this year, I'm doing Christmas cards!

Comment here with your address (even if you think I already have it; I probably don't), if you'd like to receive a Christmas card from me. Comments will be screened, so no need to worry about privacy and all that. I won't share it with anyone, I promise. ;)

I've seen these posts around, too, but I'm terrible at commenting, so if you really want to send me one (though please don't feel obligated), then link me to your post or give me your email address so that I can give you my address

1 secret - whisper me
Picture Perfect. [03 Oct 2010|07:16pm]
[ mood | tired ]

it doesn't do to dwell [03 Aug 2010|11:06am]
I miss him, even if I know I shouldn't. Even if I don't want to.

I do.

11 secrets - whisper me
what is WRONG with me? [09 Jul 2010|08:07am]
[ mood | blank ]

I dreamt I was pregnant and woke up feeling like I'd lost something precious.

3 secrets - whisper me
Voice Post [01 Jul 2010|07:20pm]
489K 2:32
(no transcription available)

2 secrets - whisper me
handwriting meme [10 Jun 2010|10:54am]
[ mood | busy ]

I meant to post this a long time ago, but whatevs. Here it is, my beloved handwriting. lol

1) your name/lj name/tumblr name.
2) right-handed, left-handed, or ambidextrous?
3) favorite letters to write.
4) least favorite letters to write.
5) write “the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog.”
6) write the following words in capital letters: - crab - humor - kaleidoscope - pajamas - gazillion
7) write your favorite song lyric.
8) tag people!
9) any special note or picture.

I hope you guys can read all that. =)

whisper me
Happy Hanson Day, y'all. [06 May 2010|11:14am]
[ mood | calm ]

"I think there was never any question
that we were going to find a way to succeed at a level
that would allow us to keep going, and I think
it's a huge credit to our fans. "
-- Taylor Hanson

13 videos for 13 yearsCollapse )

10 secrets - whisper me
Annon Post! [07 Mar 2010|04:06pm]
[ mood | bored ]

For 3 reasons:
1) I am a sheep.
2) I am bored, bored, bored, and need a reason to compulsively check my email from my phone.
3) Everyone else is doing it, and I'm a sheep.

Tell me whatever you want to tell me (or ask me a question, if you'd like), and do it annonymously. If you want to do it annonymously, that is. Otherwise, don't do it annonymously. But either way, fill up my inbox, please. =)

whisper me
BAAAAAAA. [11 Feb 2010|09:57am]
[ mood | blah ]


15 secrets - whisper me
Music Mememememememe! [12 Jan 2010|11:08am]
[ mood | calm ]

I'm stealing this from littlemrstom who stole it from steinsgrrl who, I'm sure, stole it from someone else. ;)

-Make a list of 30 of your friends
-Put your iTunes/Windows Media on Shuffle
-For each friend, write the song and artist that pops up in order. The song that shows up identifies your relationship with that person! You might be surprised!
-Tag everyone you listed in the note, and maybe they'll tag you back!

However, to make up for the other ten friends that I couldn't come up with, I'm going to upload the songs. =) Since I've been meaning to make a music post since before Christmas, anyway, and I don't expect most of these songs to be familiar to y'all.

hit me!Collapse )

whisper me
This is your chance! [10 Dec 2009|11:21am]
[ mood | busy ]

Ask me questions! Anything you want! Even annonymously.


whisper me
-- give me love i can't handle -- [25 Sep 2009|03:44pm]
[ mood | lazy ]

I love you because...

25 secrets - whisper me
spring cleaning in january [13 Jan 2008|09:19am]
Tomorrow looks a lot like today and I know that time brings change to everything, but we teeter on the edge of something -- something more.

I've been considering this for a while. Thinking it through, the different ways I could do it, what purpose it would serve, how much of a hassle it would be. I've discussed it with friends and mulled over the possibilities. If it would be more beneficial or harmful. I've come to the conclusion that it's really the only way.

It's been pointed out to me that I sensor myself -- and while I know that's true, I don't want it to blatantly obvious, to those who know me well or those who hardly know me. I'm tired of second guessing myself all the time, tired of being 'that one girl,' and the target of uninformed judgments. I just want to let go of everything, stop caring, and do whatever the hell I want to do and say whatever the hell I want to say.

Heaven's not a place that you go when you die; it's that moment in life when you actually feel alive, so live for the moment.

It's time for some changes -- not just here, but in all areas of my life. And I know I'm generally a lot of talk and no action, but that's what I'm doing now. I had planned on 2008 being a big year for me, and though things have changed since those plans were made, I've realized there's no reason to displace that sense of urgency. Why wait until later when I could do this now?

I don't know where I'm going or how I'm going to get there, but this it. This is the only chance I've got. I want to open up more, and if this is the avenue in which I feel comfortable in doing so, then I want to make sure there's no room for second guessing. My life, right now, is a mess, so I'm doing some condensing and tidying up a bit.

Alice: I was just wondering if you could help me find my way.
Cheshire Cat: Well, that depends on where you want to get to.
Alice: Oh, it really doesn't matter, as long as...
Cheshire Cat: Then it really doesn't matter which way you go.

I've deleted everyone (minus a few communities) from my friends list. Good friends, bad friends, old friends, new friends. The only way to get back on is to comment in this entry. No emails, phone calls, text messages, instant messages. Comment in this entry and I'll add you back. I'm not looking for ass-kissing or brown-nosing, or even telling me why you want to stay. Just as long as you do, that's enough for me.

I want people on my friends list who want to be on my friends list. I don't care if you comment on every entry, or you never comment. Don't be scared to comment in this entry to stay -- I want you here if you want to be here. But also, no hard feelings if you don't. To be completely honest, I'm not expecting a whole lot of comments, and that's totally fine with me, even though I'd like it if a lot of you stayed. I just want to do some rearranging of my life, and some spring cleaning, if you will by getting rid of the dusty corners and polishing the silver.

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